Meditations on Chocolate

Indulging in the decadent chocolate pie from last week's post challenged me to be more mindful of my cravings.  The pie was so damn delicious, and sweeter than most foods I eat, that I noticed myself becoming addicted to having a slice of pie every night after dinner...and sometimes after lunch...and ok, maybe a bite for breakfast.  I even turned the extra pie filling into these sweet little chocolate truffles (photo above) so I could keep indulging.  And though there is nothing "bad" about wanting to eat something so yummy that I had made, I was aware that I was compulsively going for the chocolate, time after time, without thinking about it, and without fully enjoying each bite I was eating (which is kind of the whole point!)  

Luckily, I've been reading Pema Chodron's book, The Places That Scare You, about learning to sit with discomfort, pain, anxiety, and fear.  In meditation, I've been taught that when you feel a strong sensation (maybe your foot getting tingly, your back aching, or a feeling of anger), rather than fighting it, or immediately trying to fix it, you should pay attention to the feeling and give it some space to be.  My meditation teachers do not encourage suffering in pain, but they do suggest that before I quickly move my foot to a more comfortable position, I first give it some mindful awareness.  Often when I have done this, after a few minutes, the feeling goes away.  If it doesn't, I will adjust myself so that I am not in pain.  

So I tried to apply this practice to my chocolate cravings.  Before grabbing another slice of chocolate pie, I sat and meditated on the feelings I was having.  I noticed a sort of clenching, anxious, sad sensation in the center of my body.  I sat with these feelings, trying not to judge them, stifle them, or change them.  Instead I tried embracing these feelings, and sending loving-kindness towards myself for having these difficult feelings.  And you know what?  As soon as I gave these feelings the attention they needed, they melted away.  I did not have a dire need to eat another slice of chocolate pie anymore.  Now, I certainly do not believe in a self-torture diet, or in denying yourself pleasure.  That is not the lesson here.  Instead, I am reminded of listening to my body and giving myself lot's of love and compassion.  Making the decision to stop eating wheat, sugar, and dairy was not about restricting myself and suffering, it was about learning how to take good care of my body.  Practicing mindfulness around eating (and living) has made me a healthier and happier person.  Next time you have a strong craving for chocolate (or whatever it is), try this home-made "recipe" for a chocolate meditation below!  

Ingredients:

• Yourself
• A place to sit

Directions:

1. Take a comfortable seat in a quiet place.  Try to sit up straight so you feel alert, but not stiff and uncomfortable.
2. Close your eyes and bring your awareness to your breath.  Just notice it coming in and out of your body.
3. Then bring your awareness to your cravings.  Notice where you feel it in your body.  Notice it's qualities (does it feel heavy? does it feel constricted?  does it have a color? does it have something to say?)
4. Once you've observed these feelings, try sending yourself compassion and loving-kindness. This might be as simple as placing your hand on that place on your body, or giving yourself a hug, or saying something comforting like "I see your pain, and I have compassion for you."  Or whatever feels good and relevant for you, do that.
5. Then see if anything shifts in these feelings.  Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.  But just pay attention.  Try to suspend your self-judgement and try fully accepting who you are in this very moment- chocolate cravings and all!

Chocolate Cream Pie

"Sex in a pie," my friend said as she tasted this decadent dessert.  It's true, I couldn't get enough of this heavenly pie.  The filling was rich in chocolate flavor, smooth and creamy, with a perfectly firm consistency.  The crust was nutty and buttery and held together well.  And the coconut whipped cream reminded me of the "real thing"- rich and not too sweet.  Seriously, this pie will make you happy.

Ingredients

• 1 cup of gluten free oats
• 1 cup of nuts (I used almonds and macadamia nuts)
• 1 cup of unsweetened shredded coconut
• 2 tbs of brown rice syrup
• 2 tbs of Earth Balance or coconut oil
• 12 oz of silken tofu- firm or extra firm!
• 6 oz of unsweetened 100% chocolate
• 4 tablespoons of maple syrup or more if you like
• 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract
• Whipped Cream:  1 can of whole fat coconut milk, 1 tsp vanilla, 2 tsp maple syrup

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
2. In a food processor, process the oats and grind up the nuts to a crumb consistency (or finer if you like.)
3. In a large bowl mix together the processed nuts and oats, the coconut, Earth Balance and brown rice syrup until the whole mixture is soft and moist.
4. Press mixture into a nine-inch pie pan to make a crust and bake in the oven for about 20 minutes until it's golden and toasty.  
5. Meanwhile, using a double boiler melt the chocolate until it becomes a liquid.  
6. Drain and dry the tofu, and in a blender or the food processor (cleaned after grinding the nuts), blend the chocolate and tofu until it's fully mixed. You might need to scrape the sides a a few times with a rubber spatula to integrate all the tofu with the chocolate.
7. Add the maple syrup and vanilla to your liking.
8. Pour chocolate tofu into the baked pie crust, smooth down the top, and let sit in the fridge for an hour or more.
9. Enjoy a slice with this easy-to-make whipped cream:  Take a can of full/whole fat coconut milk that has been sitting in the fridge overnight, scoop out the thick white fatty part of the milk into a bowl (save the clear liquidy part for another cooking project) and whip it with an egg beater until fluffy.  Mix in just a teaspoon of vanilla extract and 1-2 teaspoons of maple syrup to your tasting.

Generous Granola Bars

 

Gratitude and generosity feed the soul.  Often I feel a sense of wanting and needing: a bigger home, a better job, more money, more friends, more clothes, more books, more food, more love...  But often this is just a perception, a distorted view of reality.  Because at other moments I so clearly see how blessed my life is.  This happened the other night, when my sister and her husband were visiting my brother and I in San Francisco.  I was nearing the end of a very busy summer- full of lot's of traveling, lot's of visitors, lot's of plans with lot's of people, and I was at the point of whining to my friends about my crazy schedule.  And while I certainly was in need of some alone time, it finally hit me that night when I was out with my sister, just how lucky I am.  I mean, how can I complain about spending time with my awesome siblings and friends in the beautiful city of San Francisco, after a day of an inspiring work retreat, and after a night of seeing Sade live in concert?  I saw my life full of love and beauty and suddenly had the urge to bake! So the next day I decided to make some granola bars for my friend who was having a hard week.  It was a pleasure to make these breakfast treats for her, not only because it cheered her up, but it also made me feel grateful to have so much happiness to give away right now.  And literally, I had jars and jars of nuts and oats in my pantry, just waiting to be used in this recipe.  So please enjoy these yummy, chewy, crunchy granola bars and share them with a friend!

Ingredients (makes about 2 dozen "bars"/cakes in 2 cupcake tins):

• 1 cup of ground nuts
• 1 cup of shredded coconut
• 1 cup of oat flour
• 2 cups of gluten free oats
• 1/2 cup of chopped pecans
• 1/2 cup of sliced almonds
• 1/2 cup of ground flax meal
• 1 tbs of cinnamon
• 1 tbs of vanilla
• 1 cup rice milk
• 2 tbs oil
• 1/2 cup brown rice syrup
• 1/2 cup maple syrup
• 4 tbs almond butter, softened to room temperature
• 1 large egg

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Mix all of the dry ingredients together in one big bowl.
3. Mix together the wet ingredients in a seperate bowl.
4. Combine the wet and dry ingredients in the large bowl.
5. Line two cupcake tins with paper liners and fill each cup with the granola mixture to about 3/4 full.  Press each granola "bar" so it is firm and smooth on top.
6. Bake in the oven for about 35-40 minutes until they are crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside.  
7. Share with a loved one!

Rainbow Salad

I have been making this hearty salad all summer long.  It's packed with protein and a colorful medley of veggies.  The other day I had a bowl for lunch at work, and one of my 6th grade students said, "Oh my god, that looks soooo good!"  I looked around to see what food she was talking about, then realizing it was mine I asked her if she liked quinoa (just to be clear that this was not couscous or some other more popular grain.) She went on and on saying how much she loved quinoa and kale, and continued to stare longingly at my lunch. I finally gave her some to eat- which I wouldn't normally do- but I was just so happy that this child had a craving for something so healthy that I couldn't resist sharing!  I remember when I was in middle school, my best friend and I would stop at the convient store every single day after school to buy Mars candybars, Doritos and Hostess Cupcakes.  My, how things have changed. Well, whatever age you are, I hope you enjoy this easy summer recipe!

Ingredients:

• 1 and 1/2 cups of rinsed quinoa *
• 1 -2 yellow zucchinis/summer squash chopped into bite size pieces
• 1/2 cup or so of shredded carrots
• 1/2 cup or so of shredded purple cabbage
• 1 bunch of kale, washed and trimmed
• 2 cloves of garlic, minced
• 3/4 cup cherry tomatoes, cut into halves
• 1 block of really fresh tofu, cut into small cubes
• Sprouts- alfalfa or microsprouts are yummy!
• Your favorite salad dressing (I have been buying Dr. Bragg's cider vinegrette.)
• Olive oil, salt and pepper

*You must rinse quinoa off before cooking.  I usually soak it in a bowl of water for 10 or more minutes, then pour it into a sieve and run water over it for a few minutes.

Directions:

1. Pour 3 cups of water into a pot.  Add salt and the rinsed quinoa.  Bring to a boil, then simmer on medium heat for about 15-20 minutes until the quinoa turns transulecent and the little tales of each quinoa seed pops out.
2. Meanwhile, in a pan coated with olive oil, saute the zucchini on medium/high heat for a few minutes.  Add the shredded carrots and cabbage, then the garlic and the kale.  Saute until all vegetables are slightly soft and turn bright in color.
3. In a large bowl, mix together the quinoa, cooked veggies, tomatoes, tofu, and sprouts (plus any other things you love, like avocado, sunflower seeds...).
4. Dress with the your favorite salad dressing, salt and pepper and enjoy!

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Boston Bites

I left my hometown of Boston six years ago for sunny California, but during my recent trip to the east coast, I was taken aback by my nostalgia for good old Beantown.  I felt a deep sense of rootedness walking down the cobblestone streets of the South End, admiring the old beautiful brownstone buildings that I am starved for in bright and new San Francisco.  It was so fun to rediscover this city that I never really knew as an adult.  My sister took me to all the hip and fancy restaurants, like The Gallows- a disturbing name for a fabulous place.  They are known for their poutine (french fries covered in gravy and cheese curd), but I shared a few dishes with my gluten free mother.  We ate a beautiful beet salad, followed by their board special served with quinoa, curried peaches, eggplant, and some cremont cheese that my mother ate (with the gluten free crackers they gave us,) and finally their big bowl of seafood filled with seared tuna, shrimp, scallops, avocados and plaintains.  It was a heavenly meal.  

I also dined at a bunch of gluten free restaurants in the Boston area including Naked Pizza, a healthy pizza place that has gluten free crusts.  And also my mother's favorite gluten free restauarant in Brookline, The Fireplace.  This New England grill restaurant has a seperate gluten-free menu, and they serve gluten free bread on the table per your request.  I ordered the burger on a gluten free bun!  I was so surprised that stuffy old Boston- not a place known for crunchy granola/super healthy/alternative living like San Francisco is- has so many gluten free options.  The biggest surprise was going to Woodman's seafood restaurant in the little beach town of Essex that not only has fresh lobster, but also gluten-free batter for any fried fish dish you want!  Check out my ode to Woodman's if you haven't already! 

But I must say, that as delicious as all of these dinners were, I think my favorite meals were eaten on my sister's deck in Allston.  The night I arrived in Boston, she and her husband grilled salmon and corn on the cob for me.  When my sister suggested we eat dinner on the deck, my first thought was, "I'm going to be too cold"- because San Francisco summer is so freezing (60 degrees and foggy everyday!), that I forgot what summer nights in Boston were like!  But it was so warm and pleasant to sit on her deck that night, looking out to the city skyline, the John Hancock and the Pru.  Another night they grilled burgers and bought me gluten free hamburger buns by Udi's.  She also made me arepas (Venezuelan cornmeal pockets) by hand that were amazing!  And my last day in Boston, we sat on my sister's sunny deck, feasting on a Brazillian churrasco that her Brazillian husband made of barbequed steak, chicken hearts, yucca rolls, beans and rice.  Sitting in the sun, grilling, and relaxing with family and friends brought me back to the true meaning of summer- as I knew it growing up in Boston.   

 

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Gluten-free fried fish

 

Every summer my family would drive up to Good Harbor beach or Cranes beach in Massachusetts to bathe in the sun, swim in the freezing cold water 'till we were blue in the lips, and build castles in the sand.  My parents were judges for the annual sand castle competition at Cranes beach, where professionals, families, and even kids could compete (yes, my sister and I won the kid's category one year!)  I remember the professionals building the Eifle tower, or castles big enough for me to walk into, or humongous dragons that looked like they were swimming in the sand.  At the end of the day, after all the blue ribbons were given out, everyone would go to Woodman's in Essex, Ma.  

This old seafood restaurant is extremely popular with lines out the door.  We would feast on their fried full belly clams and fresh lobsters.  I have always been a seafood junkie, and would order the fisherman's platter- which was overflowing with fried fish, fried shrimp, fried clams, fried scallops, and french fries- and finish then entire thing by myself (not that I didn't get a slight stomach ache on the car ride home)!  Since going off gluten, it's been a long time since I had some fried clams, and also a long time since I've had a beach day like I did when I was a child.  This July, though, my family and I returned to Good Harbor beach.  Just like old times my sister and I splashed in the big waves together like we did when we were kids, and then we all stopped at Woodman's for dinner.  

I was craving some fresh New England lobster that you just can't get in San Francisco.  But to all of our surprise, my sister noticed they had a gluten free option for all their fried dishes.  I was so excited that I ordered not only a lobster, but the gluten free fisherman's platter (granted this time I shared both with my brother.)  It was amazingly delicious- reminding me of when I was a kid chowing down all that fried goodness.  My brother, who eats gluten said it tasted great- just the same, only slightly lighter.  By the end of the dinner I was covered in lobster juice and grease. I took off my plastic lobster bib, looked out to the sun setting around the marsh, and sighed in such gratitude for this delicious gluten free meal.

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I Eat New York

New York City is a delicious place.... I couldn't eat this piece of gluten/sugar/dairy free banana bread from Babycakes fast enough!  It had slices of bananas in it and was so moist and flavorful.  Whenever I am in Manhattan I always make sure to stop by here and buy a box of cupcakes, brownie bites, and other goodies for me and my gluten-free friend, Eliza!




But to be honest, I really can't eat cupcakes all day long.  I need my fix of green vegetables and brown rice, too.  That is why I go to Souen, the macrobiotic restaurant in New York City that serves iced kukicha tea, vegan desserts, and uses only wheat free tamari in all their dishes.  This last time I went to Souen, I opted for a simple meal of sauteed veggies and salmon sushi.  This is a meal I could easily make at home (and often do), which some people would say is a waste of money. But when I am traveling, a dish I can and would make at home is exactly what I crave.  Most restaurants pack in sugar, butter, and all kinds of unhealthy ingredients into their dishes to make them "taste good."  But when I go to Souen, I know that every ingredient used is one that I would choose to cook with for myself.  It's not only healthy to eat like this, but comforting as it reminds me of my kitchen and my home, many miles away.








A gal like me can always count on a vegan place to have lot's of dishes that I can eat.  The V-Spot (love the name), in Brooklyn has agave sweetened lemonade, vegan tacos, and gluten free labels all over their menu!  I tried the curried kale and quinoa which was hearty and flavorful.  I also ordered the kale tostadas with my friend Anna.  They were delicious, but of course broke apart immediately as they are made with toasted corn tortillas- sin gluten, thus prone to falling apart.  Nevertheless, I picked up the pieces of avocado off my skirt and continued eating this yummy mess!



  
My friends Eliza, Liz and I spent a Sunday at Far Rockaway beach, soaking in the sun (maybe too much as I got sunburned) and jumping in the waves.  It was a magical day, especially when we ventured to the Rockaway Taco stand.  Hipsters flock from Williamsburg to munch on fish tacos from this place.  The fish tacos were wheat battered, but despite their business, they quickly and kindly changed my taco order to chorizo and carne asada!  The tacos were the perfect size, filled with well cooked meats and toppings.  My favorite though, was the fresh watermelon juice I sipped on!  Also, speaking of Far Rockaway Beach, I just found out that Babycakes is now serving waffles and other delights at this beach, too!  I only wish I had known before we went...oh next time I'll have to go.  Luckily, for me, there will always be a next time in New York!  See ya next summer NYC!

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